Maintaining a Clean House

Maintaining a clean house is just about that, maintaining. You've got to keep the mess at a certain level. If you aren't constantly taking small steps to keep it under control, things get out of hand and quickly. How you run your house depends on your household, needs, circumstances, etc. Here is the dynamic that we have going on our house:

• My handsome husband- really great about playing with and teaching our kids when he's not at work full-time. He has recently become a vegetarian (with lots of allergies), which means that meal preparation requires more thought and planning and take-out or instant meals are rarely an option. 
• Thing 1- 5 years old and just started Kindergarten. She loves to help as long as what we are doing doesn't involve the word "clean". (Pull weeds, scrub toilets, sort laundry, fine, clean room-no way) A real sweetie-pie who is everyday is saying 'teach me, play with me' and loves to help with the baby.
• Thing 2- A three year old ball of energy and oh my goodness he's going to be a heart-breaker. It's really not fair that a boy have such gorgeous blue eyes and such long eye lashes. I adore him, but he can be difficult, especially when it is too hot to play outside. He's a adjusting to not being the baby of the family and it's a big adjustment. A couple weeks ago he single-handedly convinced my sister-in-law that she is not ever going to have children. His favorite job is throwing away poopy diapers. Don't ask me why.
• Cindy Lou-Who- Almost four weeks old, and a little easier than my previous two (yay!) However, she still wants to breast-feed most of the day.  I love, love, love that she's getting fat rolls.
• Then there's me- mommy, not sleeping as much as I would like, but hanging in there and enjoying a whole lot of sweetness.

That's my family and meeting their needs is more important than a spotless house. However, some of those needs include maintaining some amount of cleanliness. On every given day, my house is not has clean as I would like it to be. But I'm trading that for the little sleep I can squeeze in and time with my family. Here are the things that I do to try to maintain a state of livability.

• Every morning I make my bed. It is the largest feature in my bedroom, and if it is made the whole room feels cleaner. (Learned that one from my MIL)
• I have my kids pitch in a little at a time. Before my kids can have treats, play games or watch movies they have to 1) get their stuff out of the living room and 2) pick up and put away five things in their rooms. They also have to pick up the last game that they played with if they haven't done so. They also are rewarded for doing chores beyond managing their own messes.
• Every day I get rid of at least five things. Junk mail, newspapers, magazines, etc.
• When I get bills I pay them and file them immediately so they're not cluttering up the house.
• When I go grocery shopping I take the recycling bins with me. (They could stand to be emptied more often.)
• I wipe up spills as they happen.
• I sweep every other day, and mop at least once a week. Ok, sometimes it's like three times a week. The house isn't clean if the floor is sticky. (Not to mention where I live, food and spills on the floor attract insects.)
• Once a day I pick up the living room, and every other day I vacuum. Unless you're walking in through the back door, it's the first room you see and it takes up a big chunk of the house. If this room is a mess, the whole house feels so.
• At least once a day I wipe down the counters and the kitchen table. (Ok, I'll be honest, that's not entirely true, but that's my goal and when I neglect it, it just makes more work later.)
• At least once a day I load the dishwasher. Even on the rare evenings when there aren't enough dirty dishes to run it, I load it so I can empty the sink.
• Then I scrub the sink. It takes two minutes, some Ajax and a scouring pad, but if the kitchen sink is clean it improves the appearance of the whole kitchen. (Learned that tip from the FLY Lady.)
• About every other day I wash a load of laundry. Part of this is because baby creates so much dirty laundry, and part of it is it's much easier to deal with when I handle it one load at a time.

And it's a...

Girl

And here are her sweet baby feet

 
 

For blogging purposes I'm going to refer to here as Cindy Lou Who. 

For those who know me in real life, she'll have a first name from the Bible like her siblings and her middle name will be after my husband's grandmother who recently passed.

Only 20ish weeks to go.

Lessons from Three Funerals

In about six weeks we had three funerals. The travel and tears were pretty stressful, but I learned a few things that I wanted to remember and I thought I would share. The first funeral was for my best friend's mother. She died after a ten year battle with malignant melanoma as well as several other health problems. It was a really nice funeral. I hope that someday my funeral is half as peaceful and well-organized. I went in expecting to cry, my best friend had lost her mother and I didn't have the words to make it better, but I didn't expect to bawl as hard as I did through the whole thing. I was really sad that I had not had the opportunity to know her better and know her before her illness. She was really an amazing woman. Her are some things about her that stood out to me.

• She didn't complain about her misfortunes. If someone had good reason to complain I think she would, but she didn't. She was optimistic and made the best of the days she had.
• She loved her five children and they all knew it. She spent lots of time talking and laughing with them. And I laughed so hard I started crying again when one of her sons told a story about her farting and laughing.
• She was so grateful for her children and cherished the time that she had with them. Since then I have really been trying to do the same with my own children. If that means that I neglect my blog and my housework a little, so be it.
• She was always busy. Anytime that she was watching tv or a movie she was also working on a project. She showed people that she loved them through the gifts that she made. It made me think although she didn't know me that well she took the time to make a gift for my wedding and a beautiful blanket when Thing 1 was born. I feel honored that she would take some of her precious time to do that for me.

While sitting at her funeral I was thinking, perhaps I should give up this blog. Although it's fun, it's very time consuming and I do have many other things to do. But as I thought about it, if for no one else I am writing this for my daughter. If something were to happen to me (and I hope that it doesn't) I want her to able to know where to find our favorite family recipes. I want her to know the tricks I used to keep the house clean and stretch a budget. I want her to know the secrets her mom used to make life a little easier. If When, nothing ever happens to take me from her this may be a good place for her to refer to when she takes her first stabs at running her own household. And if the things I write here are helpful to anyone else along the way, all the better.

A few weeks after this funeral my husband's grandfather died. He had had health problems for a few years and had been on hospice for a few days, so we were expecting him to go some time, but not quite that fast. The day before he died his wife went into the hospital with pneumonia and two weeks after he died she passed also. Now it was very hard on my husband and all of his family to lose both grandparents (or parents as the case my be) so close together, but you worry a little less about them. You don't have one left behind in their loneliness. They have each other. And when I get to the point that my grandchildren are grown, that might be nice to just naturally go with the one I love.

 We had been waiting for Super Grandma (as she is affectionately known by my children) to get out of the hospital before we made any firm plans for the funeral. We had decided to just go and have a memorial service for Super Grandpa and were literally getting ready to go when we received the news that Super Grandma had died too. So we had a double funeral the following weekend.
 It was the first non-LDS funeral that I have ever attended and I really liked how after the minister said his part and we sung a few hymns, they let those in attendance get up and say a few words. It was cool to hear the stories that other people shared about them.
  A few things about Super Grandma:

• One of her former high school students called her "a force of nature". I thought that was pretty awesome.
• Her house felt so completely empty without her.
• She had a reputation for being dependable and for reaching out to others.

A few things about Super Grandpa:

• He was stubborn, but in a good way. If he decided that he was going to do something, you could consider it done.
• He built his own house as well as many other things (he was a shop teacher by profession).
• He read many books and encouraged others to read also.

With driving back and forth to California twice, my husband and I had lots of time to talk about this while the kids were napping. We decided that someday when we have more money in savings, we'd like to buy a piece of land, slightly removed from society (but not so removed that things to do aren't within an easy distance) build our own house, raise a garden and a few chickens, like his grandparents did, and be mostly self-sufficient. That's the dream.

Blogging Break

We're getting ready for the second funeral in less than a month. So I'm taking a break from blogging, probably for a week or so. I'm sure that you understand.

Secrets to An Argument-Free Marriage

Recently I discovered that my marriage is more unusual than I thought. I mentioned a very minor thing that happened, to a friend and she said "Wait, you guys didn't have fight over that? I totally would have blown up at my husband over that." Honestly, the thought hadn't occurred to me. "We don't fight." "Really?!" Really. In the ten years that we've been together I can only think of a half dozen actual fights that we've had, and three of those were before we were married. So I've been thinking about why we don't fight. It's not because our life is perfect, because it isn't. It's not because we always agree, because we often don't. It's because we have learned a few things along the way and we work at it. Now I am not a licensed therapist, nor have I had many relationships to draw experience from, nor is my marriage perfect, so take my advice for what it is worth. But I thought I would write these down for the benefit of my children when they are older and anyone else who cares to read this.

• Admit when you are wrong. What is the point of denying it? You don't win any prizes for being right when you are actually wrong. You may however cause contention and resentment in your relationship.
• Think before you speak. Recently we returned from a trip the night before I had to work. I told my husband that if he felt inclined to do laundry not to wash my favorite sweater with the regular laundry with a basic description of the sweater. When I came home from work he had done all of the laundry and shrunk my favorite sweater. I was frustrated, but before yelling I remembered a few things. 1. While I was at work he was sick and taking care of both of our sick kids. 2. He didn't shrink my sweater because he was trying to tick me off. He did all of the laundry because he was trying to help me out. 3. He is far more important to me than my sweater. The sweater is not worth hurting feelings or causing contention.
• Remember that you love your spouse. My husband is my lover, best friend, co-conspirator, and father of my adorable children. When he does things that frustrate me, I remember that I don't want to hurt him by saying something harsh. I treat him with respect and kindness and he treats me the same way. (This one encompasses being honest, caring and non-manipulative.)
• Criticize gently and only when totally necessary. My husband is well aware that little girl hair is not his area of expertise. It is totally unnecessary for me to make comments on Thing 1's ponytails when I come home from work. There are things that are worth mentioning to him, but I try not to use a tone with him that I wouldn't want him to use with me.
• If you have something that bothers you, tell your spouse before it festers into a bigger deal than it needs to be. When I noticed that my husband often put his socks in the laundry basket wadded up I said "Honey, if you want your socks to get clean they need to be right side out." He wasn't trying to make my life more difficult, and once I pointed it out he stopped. Problem solved. If we have concerns we let each other know.
• Give your spouse some time and space. Sometimes I feel a little bit jealous of the free time he has to play the piano, exercise and occasionally play computer games with his brothers. But I recognize he needs that time to cope with the stress that comes with taking 18 credits a semester. He also recognizes that I need that time too, and when he can, does things like help with the laundry and dishes so I have time to read a book or go running.
• Your relationship with your spouse creates a mood in your home. When I was growing up my parents fought a lot. It caused a great deal of anxiety, fear and depression for me, and it didn't make them happy either. Things are much better now for them, but the point is fighting with your spouse is not worth the resulting pain and negative energy that results.
• Take time to laugh together. It relieves stress and tension. Every evening, whoever has spent more time with the kids will relate funny things that they said that day. Money and free time for dates are not things that we have in excess, but at least a couple times a month, after the kids are in bed we fold laundry together, sort socks and watch a few episodes of The Office.
• Work together. Maintaining the house is a group project. Dishes (or any other chore for that matter) are not the responsibility of any one person. (Of course when I'm not working full-time and he's not in school full-time, I will probably doing significantly more house work, but I'm ok with that.) Regardless of the situation we both pitch in to make it work.
• Remember that you are a team with common goals. When Thing 1 was tiny, we called ourselves "Team Baby". Our common goal was survival. (We had titles too, based on the amount of baby bodily fluid that we had gotten on our persons. My brother was the Court Jester. Thing 1 was the Princess. My husband was the King and mommy was All-High Empress. Yes, that's right, I was the Empress of  baby vomit.) Since then our common goals have expanded beyond survival, but we still work at it together. When we make significant decisions we consider how the results effect each other and our family.
• Pick your battles. Some things are worth fighting over. But most aren't. Before you decide that you want to start a fight, think about the effects. Is the issue that important?

Time Saving Secrets for Moms plus Linky & Giveaway

I have two full-time jobs. I take care of sick kids and then I take care of my kids. Since I have gone back to work full-time in recent months I'm finding that sometimes my time is more valuable than money. My job as a mom is so important. My kids will never be 2 & 4 again. Now is the time that I need to be with them, to let them know that they are loved and help them to learn so they can grow into strong and productive people. Now is the time to enjoy their discoveries. However, this doesn't change the fact that my husband is currently going to school more than full-time and somebody has to pay the bills. (This is a short-term situation, only 2 semesters and then we're back to part-time working mommy. :D) So I thought I would share a few ways that I have found to cut corners without cutting out what is important.

1. I buy my diapers from Amazon. I hate buying diapers. I hate that they are so expensive, they're just going in the garbage. I hate that whenever there's a really good deal on them if I am not at the store within the first 3 hours there aren't any left in the size I need. However, if you buy them by the case from Amazon they are delivered to your house within 2 days (free shipping, baby) and are a significantly better deal than your average Walmart/Target prices, even without coupons. And you can have them shipped to you on a regular basis so you don't even have to think about it. I love that.
2. Bountiful Baskets I know lots of people have been talking about how wonderful this produce co-op is for awhile, and I finally jumped on the bandwagon. (I was somewhat afraid that if I bought one most of it would go to waste before we could use it. I hate wasting food.) I split a basket with a friend and got a lot of fresh produce, for less money and less time than if I had gone to the store/farmer's market myself. Plus I love the randomness. It forces me to add variety to our diet. 
3. I hired a cleaning service. This one was a little painful at first, and made me feel somewhat guilty paying someone to do something I can do myself. I just wanted someone to help me with the deep cleaning, which I really just don't have time to get to. It is kind of expensive to have someone else come and clean my house, but they can clean at least twice as fast as I can and more thoroughly (probably at an even faster rate if you take into account they are not distracted by small munchkins.) After they were done, I was so happy. I love it when my house is clean. It removes so much stress. And the next day I had off instead of worrying about cleaning my house I played with my kids. It was great.
4. I've stopped clipping coupons. Well sort of. I only clip the ones I need. Here's the system I use.
5. I use my food storage. (Usually with the aid of my crock pot) I know that I talk about food storage a lot, but since I've been working more I have been using it more than usual. When I plan my meals around what I have, not only am I saving money I also spend far less time grocery shopping. It may sound a little crazy, but give it a try and see if using your food storage doesn't make your life easier.

Now for the very first linky on my blog! Share what brilliant time saving hacks you have found that give you more time for the things that really matter. And of course a giveaway. This month I'm giving away a $20 Amazon giftcard. So here's how you can win it.

1. Be a follower. New or old, it doesn't matter. Just leave a comment telling me that you are interested in the giveaway. And if you don't follow through Google Friend Connect, just mention how you do follow.
2. Link up a time saving secret. Or you can just leave one in the comments.
3. Become my friend on Facebook. (FB is where I talk about any great deals that I am snagging, and if you're my friend and I find a great FB offer I will pass it on to you.)

 This giveaway runs from now until September 28, 2010 at 2359 MST. The winner will be announced September 29, 2010.

Word of Encouragement for Mothers

Do you ever have those days when you are totally exhausted and are frustrated with having to pick up the same messes for the umpteenth time? I know I do. Here are some reminders I have found for those times when you questioning why you do the things that you do. And if you have a favorite encouraging quote on the topic of motherhood please share.

 

If you're going through hell, keep going. -Winston Churchill

 

Homemaking is surely in reality the most important work in the world. What do
ships, railways, mine cars and government, etc., exist for except that people may be warmed and safe in their own home? ... [The homemaker's] is the job for which all others exist. - C.S. Lewis

 

 There are no adequate substitutes for father, mother, and children bound together in a loving commitment to nurture and protect. No government, no matter how well-intentioned, can take the place of the family in the scheme of things.- Gerald Ford

 

The way that mothers nurture their children may make babies smarter, healthier and better able to deal with stress. These are qualities that will carry through their lives and into the lives of their own children. -Louann Brizendine, M.D. and neuropsychologist

 

There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one - Jill Churchill

 

I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life.- Abraham Lincoln

 

Children keep us in check. Their laughter prevents our hearts from hardening. Their dreams ensure we never lose our drive to make ours a better world. They are the greatest disciplinarians known to mankind. - Queen Rania of Jordan 

 

Mothers reflect God's loving presence on earth. - William R. Webb

 

I believe our problems, almost every one, arise out of the homes of the people. If there is to be reformation, if there is to be a change, if there is to be a return to old and sacred values, it must begin in the home. It is here that truth is learned, that integrity is cultivated, that self-discipline is instilled, and that love is nurtured. - Gordon B. Hinckley

Favorite Things About Being A Mother

1. Everyday my kids say something that makes me laugh out loud.
2. I am often endowed with super powers. Not only can I do all the things that are part of being Mom, last week my daughter told me that if I touched the sides of the trampoline I would get wet powers so I "can save the earf".
3. My kids are always ready to give me kisses on the cheek.
4. I get to and am expected to play with toys on a regular basis.
5. When my kids are sad, they still like to snuggle and I love it.
6. I can and must purchase fruit snacks.
7. Every day holds a new discovery, something to learn or share.
8. My kisses have magical healing powers.
9. If the laundry doesn't get folded, I'm the only one who even remotely cares.
10. My kids have such soft kissable cheeks.
11. I totally have an excuse to buy all my favorite movies and cartoons from when I was a kid. Ducktales Whoo-ooh!
12. When I'm looking less than fabulous (which is the vast majority of the time) the people who really matter, really don't care. And it makes me smile when my daughter compliments an outfit that may be embellished with boogers and/or ketchup because it happens to be her favorite color.
13. My Heavenly Father has trusted me with this great responsibility and blessing because He loves me and my little family.

My Family in the Family Proclamation

The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. 

We declare that God's commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force.

Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. 

Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness,

to provide for their physical and spiritual needs,

to teach them to love 

and serve one another, 

and to observe the commandments of God

Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, 

prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, 

 work, 

and wholesome recreational activities. 

Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ.  

Celebrating Family

 I believe in families. I believe that the Lord placed us here on this earth in families to help us learn and grow. The family is a unit that you can rely on to protect the weak and give reprieve to the strong. Everyone needs a family. As my mom always said "Family are the ones who love you even when you are being stupid." Everyone has their moments where they are less than brilliant. Even dysfunctional families can provide love and support.  As a mother it is my greatest responsibility and blessing to provide that love and support to my family.

This month marks 15 years since The Family: A Proclamation to the World was announced. Now I'm not sure what percentage of my blog readers are LDS, but even if you are not, if you follow my blog you probably believe in families too. If you've never read the Family Proclamation before, I encourage you to do so.  And if you have read it, read it again. It contains so much truth. Here are a few of my favorite lines:

• Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. 
• Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.  
• Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. 

In celebration of the anniversary of the Family Proclamation mi amiga Jocelyn, of We Talk of Christ, We Rejoice In Christ is having a blog party. (Every time I hear that phrase I think of the last few pages of this book. That's just the stage of life I'm in. :D ) Every day she will feature a different blogger talking about families. And Cocoa of Chocolate on My Cranium is getting in on the party too. (In addition to great insights and encouragement, there are prizes for commenting on these two blogs.) As part of the celebration, I thought I would join in by writing a post about family each week. Come join the Celebration of Family. Hope to see you there.

Family Fun in Vegas Part 1: The Las Vegas Museum of Natural History

Last weekend we took the kids to Vegas. Our first stop was the Las Vegas Museum of Natural History. Admission is $10 for adults, $8 for students $5 for children 3-11. Hours are from 9 am to 4pm. There is a BOGO coupon in the Las Vegas Entertainment Book, or you can print one here. Bank of America cardholders can get free admission on the first full weekend of the month.
Yes, it is not as spectacular as the Field Museum in Chicago, but it has several points on the Field for me: 1.It does not take 3 days to drive there 2.There are no tollways between home and the destination. 3. Parking is free (not $19). 4. I can get my entire family in for the less than the cost of one admission to the Field. 5. Even on a Saturday afternoon, the LVMNH was not crowded. I love this! We can take as much or as little time as my kids please, learning about science and natural history.

The first room (not listed on their website) has a few prehistoric oddities. My son (2) thought it was awesome. My daughter (4) found it to be a little scary.

Spiral tooth prehistoric shark

My daughter was certain that if this thing were alive it would eat her, and it just might have.

Next is the Marine Life Gallery. In addition to few interactive science displays there are several live fish, sharks and rays.

I will always check out anything remotely resembling an aquarium.

Frogfish, Do you see it?

My kids liked the Wildlife Gallery. It's full of animals that are native to the area and facts about how they live. And they were surprisingly fascinated by the Geology Gallery (but then they did have glow-in-the-dark rocks). There is also an Egyptian Gallery, with a replica of the tomb of Tutankamen. My daughter found it kind of creepy, but then I always found Ancient Egypt to be somewhat creepy (yet still fascinating) too. (FYI, in Ancient Egypt children didn't wear clothing until the age of 6. My kids would be all for that.)

Learning to grind wheat in Egypt

 Now for the main attraction...The Dinosaurs. And not just any dinosaurs, but dinosaurs that roar and move.

And behind the Prehistoric Life Gallery is the Young Scientist Center. It has several activities and games and on Saturday afternoons they pull out the animals and let the kids touch them.

Book Review: Family Funbook

I came across this book when browsing on Amazon and bought it because I remember my mother enjoying several books written by this author when I was growing up. Family Funbook: More than 400 Amazing, Amusing and All-Around Awesome Activities for the Entire Family! by Joni Hilton is full of fun and creative ideas to do with your kids. I love this book (even though I probably wouldn't pick it up if I were basing my purchase just on the cover). I am definitely going to refer to this book the next time my kids are bored and I need a new idea. This book has many, many inexpensive ways to keep the kids entertained and learning year round.  Some of them I have heard of before, but there are many that I haven't and had never occurred to me. I highly recommend it. Here are some of my favorites:

• Take a week long trip at home. Pick a destination and have an activity each day that relates to that place. Some suggestions she gives are Asia, Africa, South America and Polynesia. Each day do something related to your destination. Find books related to your vacation spot. Make crafts related to the area.Try foods and activities that are typical of the region. Her book offers dozens of ideas. There is a lot of fun and learning that could be had here.
• Make an alphabet video. Have your child point to things that start with each letter of the alphabet or make letters out of sticks or stones. Then have them pose in the shape of each letter at the end as a review. Your child will love to watch it when you're done and s/he will love that they are the star.
• Go on a nature walk. Find different kinds of spider webs. Make up stories about animals that you might find. Have a scavenger hunt. Bring crayons and paper to make rubbings.
• Play hose soccer. Give each team a hose and have them try to spray and kick a beach ball the opposing side of a given line. Good summer time fun.
• Watch falling stars- Mid-August is a good time for this.
• Record the things the funny things that your children say- I do this on my personal blog and it's the grandparents favorite part. It also reveals more of their personalities than photographs often do.
• Have a treasure hunt- Have one child hide a treasure and make a map for the others to find it. This can be repeated many times with a variety of "treasures".
• Make a sundial. Teach your children about time using a stick and 12 stones
• Ice cream muffins- Easiest muffin recipe ever. Equal parts softened ice cream and self-rising flour. Bake at 375 for 12 minutes. (Give or take depending on how many muffins you make.) These were perfect. Quick, easy, delicious and my picky children even loved them.We made peach ice cream muffins and topped them with raspberry jam. 2 cups of ice cream & 2 cups of flour made nine muffins
• Draw with your toes.- See if you are right-footed or left-footed.
• Declare a Whipped Cream War- Have everyone dress in their swimsuits and equip them with a can of whipped cream.
• Ease Separation Anxiety- School is starting and to make it a little easier for you child, laminate a family picture and tape it to the inside of their lunch box to remind them that they are loved when they are away.

Happy Memorial Day!

Hooray for summer holidays! I would like to encourage everyone to take a moment from your burgers, watermelon and holiday sales to remember why we celebrate this holiday. I come from a long line of military servicemen. My brother is in the Army Reserve. My dad was in the Air Force. Four of my grandparents served in World War II. The list goes back to the Revolutionary War. I am proud of my heritage and the sacrifices that my ancestors made. They worked and struggled for a great cause. I am grateful for the countless other soldiers and their families who have sacrificed and continue to sacrifice for the freedoms that we enjoy. Yes, I am well aware that there is a lot going on in America that should be better than it is. Sometimes our political leaders do things that I am very much ashamed of and make me want to vomit and/or clean something. Even so I am grateful for this beautiful land that I live in and the freedoms I enjoy. Often I get frustrated with the health care system, but then I remember my study abroad experience and think "Oh yeah, it could be much, much worse."
 Today I challenge you to do something to show your gratitude for the freedoms you enjoy. Teach your children what Memorial Day is all about, send your expired coupons to military families overseas, tell a Vet "Thank You", pay attention to the news or do anything to make this country a better place to show that you recognize that what we have is good and it is worth making better.

Planning a Long Road Trip on a Budget

 This summer my brother is getting married. Hooray for him! Halfway across the country. Murg. No stay-cation for us this year. (I am married to a high school teacher who when the school year is done will go back to being a full-time student. And as it turns out there are almost no differences between being married to a teacher and being married to a student. Either way money's tight.)  I checked out airlines and they would be way too much. So we're planning a road trip. Even if gas goes up to $4 per gallon, it will cost a third of what it would to fly. Here are some ways that I plan on making it work:

• Plan stops- We've charted out our destinations based on fun things to do. I've been booking our hotels online based on these. I like to use the travel options on the Upromise website. It's a fairly quick way to compare hotel prices. For example, I snagged one 2 1/2 star hotel in Denver for $25 a night, plus the Upromise rebate. I'm certain I would not get a deal that good if we just grabbed something as we rolled into town.
• Plan snacks- I've been slowly stocking up on snacks that are cheap (several even free with coupons.) I know I've already saved a ton versus buying everything right before we go, or even worse in gas stations along the way.
• Find coupons ahead of time- Again planning required. We'll spend a couple days in Chicago, so when the Entertainment Books went on sale for $7.50 shipped, I bought one. Even if we only use one of the coupons I'll get my money's worth. Some cities also have printable coupons available online for various attractions.
• Prepare the car- Right before we leave I'll have the oil changed, the tires rotated and inflated so we'll get the best possible mileage.
• Plan entertainment- Aside from planning lots of fun stops in order to make a week of sitting in the car bearable for my kids, I've been planning car entertainment. New toys and books will hold their attention longer. I snagged some Sponge-Bob books last week from B&N, which I know will be a hit.
• Leave the unnecessary behind- Space is limited in a tiny car with great mileage.
• The cooler is your friend- We found the best way to go is to fill it 1/2-2/3rds full with frozen solid drinks. (Caprisuns and Kool-Aid Bursts work well.) Fill the remainder with other drinks and snacks. This way you don't deal with melted ice and you don't get water in your food. The frozen drinks keep the other things cool, and when they melt you have more chilled drinks. We've done this several times and found that frozen Caprisuns will stay at least slushy in a cooler for at least 5 days if you keep the lid shut.

Fighting Pornography- Start with the Family

As a member of the LDS church, I've been hearing people speak against the evils of pornography for as long as I can remember. So I found it interesting to read about someone outside the Church talking about it. In an article that I read recently, Patrick A. Trueman, the former chief of the Child Exploitation and Obscenity Section of the United States Department of Justice said that the answer to combat the scourge of pornography is to "Start with the family." He said there are three major things that average people can do to fight pornography.

1. Strengthen their families- Know what your kids are doing and get Internet blocking software
2. Survey communities- Boycott stores that display pornography, and let the store owners know (He says he has seen this work over and over again.)
3. Lobby public officials- There are laws against hard-core pornography. Make sure that they are enforced.

I feel like pornography is one large massive lurking evil that I don't want to look at too closely, but I can't pretend that it's not there.  If you think that pornography doesn't effect you, you're wrong. It effects the ways people are portrayed in the media. It effects the ways children view themselves, it effects the way that adults view themselves. The article states that "Children are harmed by looking at pornography. It effects them for the rest of their lives." But that's only one of many ways that pornography assaults the family. Pornography is a seed that can grow into rape, abuse and child molestation. (Recently I read parts of a series of articles about a columnist who spent some time following investigators for the Utah's Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force. I warn you, what she discovered was disturbing, but it's important to be aware of the lurking evil. But one interesting thing that she said that most of the time the child abusers started with adult pornography, which led to child pornography which eventually led to victimizing real children.) Even if it doesn't lead to that, it still destroys marriages, families and lives. For the love of all that is good, take a stand and purge it from your sphere of influence.

Family Dinners are Important

I recently read an article in the newspaper that I thought was worth sharing. After doing research for more than a decade The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University has found that the more often children eat dinner with their families, the less likely they are to smoke, drink or use drugs. The center's chairman and president said "If I could wave a magic wand to make a dent in our nation's substance abuse problem, I would make sure that every child in America has dinner with his or her parents at least five times a week." There are other perks of having family meals together. Families that eat together have children who:

• Eat healthier meals.
• Are less likely to become overweight or obese.
• Are more likely to stay away from cigarettes.
• Are less likely to try alcohol, marijuana or illicit drugs.
• Are less likely to have friends who abuse prescription drugs.
• Will get better grades in school.
• Will talk to their parents more.
• Will be more likely to tell their parents about serious problems.
• Will be more likely to feel that their parents are proud of them.
• Will live in a home where there is less stress and tension

Sitting down for regular meals does more good than soccer and piano combined. And the real secret is "What your kids really want for dinner is you!"

For the complete article go here.

Book Review: The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy Families

The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy Families: What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use it by David Niven, Ph.D. takes research findings and breaks them down into helpful tips for the average family. Each secret is accompanied by a short story about a different family or individual, some famous, some average and a related research finding. Some of the secrets seemed profound and others seemed more obvious, but it depends on you, your family and your experience. I really enjoyed this book. I think it has a little something for everyone and it's a quick read. Here were some of my favourite secrets:

1. Forgiveness Depends on More than An Apology. Recieving forgiveness from your family has more to do with how you treat them before the offence than how you try to make it up to them.
2. Fatigue is a Family Enemy. Make sure you leave some energy for you family.
3. Encourage Persistence Not Desperation. Valuing efforts and not results gives reason to continue.
4. Family Life Teaches Us About Relationships. The example we give our children in how we treat others is one that they will remember throughout their lives.
5. Show Up on Time. Being punctual sends a message that you do what you say you will.
6. Cherish Traditions. Traditions help children learn who they are and how they are connected with each other.
7. Encourage, but Don't Require, Activities.  Activities encourage development, but if it's something they're not interested in it becomes a job.
8. What You Send Out Comes Back to You. To feel more support you need to give it.
9. Illness Can Have Multiple Victims. When one member of the family is sick, it effects everyone.
10. Self-Doubt Magnifies Family Problems. Seeing the good in yourself will help you to see the good in your family.
11. Low Expectations Are Not A Family Solution. Lowering your standards is not going to make you happier.
12. Emotions Last Longer Than Events. Your kids will remember being upset long after they've forgotten what caused it. Isn't this true of many adults too?
13. Distress Is Contagious. When you are upset or angry it makes your family feel vulnerable and afraid, even if the problem has nothing to do with them.
14. Family Affects All Aspects of Our Lives. Children who come from families where their needs are met are more likely to be healthy, satisfied with life, feel good about themselves and have confidence in their abilities.
15. Can You Do It? Ask Yourself. You can do what you think you can do.

To Buy or Not To Buy A House

Buying a home is a huge deal, and there is something very satisfying about having a place to call your own. Plus there are supposedly various advantages to owning a home, you can deduct the interest from your taxes, and when you move on you can get some money out of it (provided you can sell it on good terms.) But buying a house is not for everyone.
I like to read finance blogs. However, one common idea that I have found on many of them is that buying a house is a bad idea.'Americans are silly for believing that purchasing a home is the American dream.' 'You save so much money if you just rent.' 'You don't have to pay closing costs, repairs, taxes, etc, if you just rent.' 'If you invested the money you're spending on your mortgage you'll gain so much more than you can profit from selling your home.' I'm not a financial expert, but I beg to differ with some of these.
 Yes, when you purchase a home you are now responsible for repairs and taxes. And each month you are probably paying a significant amount of interest. However, when you rent you are paying the same costs, just indirectly, through rent. If your landlord has a tax increase on his property, he is going to pass that on to you in the form of raising the rent. The same goes with all those other various maintenance costs. Also I've heard that you could be saving that money and investing if you didn't have a pay a mortgage. Sure, that's a great idea if you don't mind living in a cardboard box. In reality you have to pay for living costs whether it's to the landlord or the mortgage company.
 I think the key issue when it comes down to deciding whether to rent or to buy is direct cost. I found this great quote by Suze Ormond, which I think says it well. "In Young, Fabulous & Broke, I said real estate is one of the best investments out there. If you purchase real estate in the right way, it will pay off in the long run. The right way is, when you purchase real estate, you have to say, what does an apartment rent for versus what can you buy something for. If you buy something and can’t rent it out for anything close to the mortgage payment, including insurance and other costs, then real estate is overpriced. Have you lost your mind? Not, “Did you qualify for a mortgage?” Not, “Did you have enough money in your emergency fund?” If you had simply done your homework to see, what does the same thing rent for, then you wouldn’t have gotten caught. But people just bought real estate thinking it’s a good investment. People, don’t be so stupid."
 When my husband and I were still newly married we decided to buy a townhome. The biggest reason was that where we lived purchasing a home was much cheaper than renting. At first our mortgage each month was easily $300 less than what we would have been paying for rent (towards the end it was closer to $600 less, and our utilities were also significantly less than we were renting.). We sold our townhouse in the middle of the economic crisis, and yes, we sold it for $70-90K less than we would have gotten for it a year earlier, but we still didn't sell it at a loss. When you figure in closing costs we about broke even, we were just happy to be able sell in the economic situation and move to where my husband's new job is. So real estate was not a magical money making answer for us, but the key is that we were saving at least $300 each month. With that money, my husband graduated without any debt, we paid off our car and had two kids in the mean time. If we were renting I don't think we would have been able to accomplish that.
 However buying a house isn't for everyone, if any of the following applies to you, I would think twice about purchasing a home right now:

• You plan on being in one place for less than two years.
• You can't afford it.
• Your income is unstable.
• You can't put down at least 10% of the purchase price.
• You haven't done research on your purchase, rent prices, loans and interest rates.
• You have bad credit and/or overwhelming debt.
• Housing prices have been sky-rocketing and you're at the top of a bubble. (Of course this is much easier to see in hindsight.)

This article on I Will Teach You To Be Rich is a good starting point for your research. (Although he tends to lean towards anti-purchasing.) He lists several resources to get you started.