Maintaining a Clean House

Maintaining a clean house is just about that, maintaining. You've got to keep the mess at a certain level. If you aren't constantly taking small steps to keep it under control, things get out of hand and quickly. How you run your house depends on your household, needs, circumstances, etc. Here is the dynamic that we have going on our house:

• My handsome husband- really great about playing with and teaching our kids when he's not at work full-time. He has recently become a vegetarian (with lots of allergies), which means that meal preparation requires more thought and planning and take-out or instant meals are rarely an option. 
• Thing 1- 5 years old and just started Kindergarten. She loves to help as long as what we are doing doesn't involve the word "clean". (Pull weeds, scrub toilets, sort laundry, fine, clean room-no way) A real sweetie-pie who is everyday is saying 'teach me, play with me' and loves to help with the baby.
• Thing 2- A three year old ball of energy and oh my goodness he's going to be a heart-breaker. It's really not fair that a boy have such gorgeous blue eyes and such long eye lashes. I adore him, but he can be difficult, especially when it is too hot to play outside. He's a adjusting to not being the baby of the family and it's a big adjustment. A couple weeks ago he single-handedly convinced my sister-in-law that she is not ever going to have children. His favorite job is throwing away poopy diapers. Don't ask me why.
• Cindy Lou-Who- Almost four weeks old, and a little easier than my previous two (yay!) However, she still wants to breast-feed most of the day.  I love, love, love that she's getting fat rolls.
• Then there's me- mommy, not sleeping as much as I would like, but hanging in there and enjoying a whole lot of sweetness.

That's my family and meeting their needs is more important than a spotless house. However, some of those needs include maintaining some amount of cleanliness. On every given day, my house is not has clean as I would like it to be. But I'm trading that for the little sleep I can squeeze in and time with my family. Here are the things that I do to try to maintain a state of livability.

• Every morning I make my bed. It is the largest feature in my bedroom, and if it is made the whole room feels cleaner. (Learned that one from my MIL)
• I have my kids pitch in a little at a time. Before my kids can have treats, play games or watch movies they have to 1) get their stuff out of the living room and 2) pick up and put away five things in their rooms. They also have to pick up the last game that they played with if they haven't done so. They also are rewarded for doing chores beyond managing their own messes.
• Every day I get rid of at least five things. Junk mail, newspapers, magazines, etc.
• When I get bills I pay them and file them immediately so they're not cluttering up the house.
• When I go grocery shopping I take the recycling bins with me. (They could stand to be emptied more often.)
• I wipe up spills as they happen.
• I sweep every other day, and mop at least once a week. Ok, sometimes it's like three times a week. The house isn't clean if the floor is sticky. (Not to mention where I live, food and spills on the floor attract insects.)
• Once a day I pick up the living room, and every other day I vacuum. Unless you're walking in through the back door, it's the first room you see and it takes up a big chunk of the house. If this room is a mess, the whole house feels so.
• At least once a day I wipe down the counters and the kitchen table. (Ok, I'll be honest, that's not entirely true, but that's my goal and when I neglect it, it just makes more work later.)
• At least once a day I load the dishwasher. Even on the rare evenings when there aren't enough dirty dishes to run it, I load it so I can empty the sink.
• Then I scrub the sink. It takes two minutes, some Ajax and a scouring pad, but if the kitchen sink is clean it improves the appearance of the whole kitchen. (Learned that tip from the FLY Lady.)
• About every other day I wash a load of laundry. Part of this is because baby creates so much dirty laundry, and part of it is it's much easier to deal with when I handle it one load at a time.

Keeping the Kid's Bedrooms Clean

 So the biggest battle we have at our house is keeping the kids' rooms clean. They are happy to help me scrub the bathtub, toilets and wash windows, but they act like it's the end of the world when I ask them to pick up their toys. I make all kinds of bribes and ultimatums. If your rooms are clean we can go swimming, have ice cream, go to movies, play video games, etc. This hasn't gotten me very far.  I am fully aware that at the ages of 3 & 5, they do not have the cleanliness standards that I have. Although it requires more work than actually cleaning their rooms myself, I insist that they clean their rooms. Hopefully someday they will appreciate this and enjoy just having their rooms clean. Now there isn't exactly one method to get the job done, but here are a few things that I have found to be effective.

• Providing spaces for their toys. Each of my kids have a toy organizer (like below) in their room, giving them an easy place to sort and store toys. 
• Toy boxes and shelves also work.
• Break it down into small tasks. Their entire room can be overwhelming. I often tell them that they need to pick up five things before lunch.
• Make sure they have enough closet/ drawer space to keep clothes put away.
• Make a time limit. "We are going to clean for 15 minutes." Then set a timer.
• Pack up toys and clothes that are no longer used. The less stuff, the easier it is for them to manage.
• Make a competition. "Whoever picks up the most stuff in 15 minutes gets (fill in small prize, candy, choice of movie, etc. whatever motivates your child)"
• Be firm. If you say no games until the rooms are clean, stick to it.

So I tried all of these things, and they work to some degree, but sometimes you have to take more drastic measures. I told my kids that they had three days to get their rooms clean or the stuff on their floors was going to disappear. Then I spent a half an hour helping each of them, giving them a one last chance to pick up their favorite toys and me to pick up the things in each of their rooms that I felt were most important (books, learning toys, clothes etc.) After that I took a garbage bag to each of their rooms and filled it with what was left on the floors. Those garbage bags are now in my closet. Everyday that their rooms stay clean they get back one toy. My daughter's room stays clean and she's slowly earning her stuff back. My son doesn't miss the toys in my closet, and his room is far more manageable. I think it may be time for a yard sale.
 What do you do keep on top of the mess with little ones?

Our Potty-Training Experience.

Thing 2 is officially potty trained. Hooray!  I read a book and a multiple articles, but when it came down to it, the most effective thing in training him to use the potty was cueing into him and letting him take it at his own pace. When he was barely two years old, he decided that he wanted "to pee in the potty". He would go in the bathroom, pull down his pants and pee on the floor next to the toilet. This was the week before we were moving into our new house. I didn't want to rock his world too much, nor did I have the time and patience to be potty training just then. A couple months later he was begging to use the potty again. So I bought a small potty that played music, superhero themed underwear and  many prizes and treats. He did fantastic for about 2 days. Then he came down with an awful case of diarrhea and we went back to the diapers. After this we tried several times, but he just wasn't really interested in using the potty and I didn't push it. Occasionally he would come to one of us, tell us he needed to use the toilet, sit down and successfully do his business and request a piece of candy. I know it was all about the candy, but I did care because we were making progress, even if it was small and random progress. After he turned three I tried to encourage him more often, but he was pretty determined that he only wanted to wear diapers. I tried switching to pull-ups. He called them swim diapers and treated them like any other diaper. Finally one day I sat down and spent three hours coloring a potty chart. It's kind of like a game board with little prizes along the way, a big midway prize and a big final prize. He gets a sticker for going #1 and two stickers (or one large sticker) for going #2, after he washes his hands. The first couple of days he was only moderately interested, but after he started earning prizes, he started cruising through and I feel like he had it down pretty well by the time he was only a third of the way through the chart. (I overestimated how long to make the chart. For Thing 1 the chart had to be much bigger. I didn't know it at the time, but she struggles with bladder spasms, which complicated things.) Some of the prizes I used were: baking cookies, going out for ice cream, going to McDonald's, picking something from the surprise box (which I had filled with an assortment of inexpensive small boy oriented prizes), choosing a movie from Redbox,  choosing something from the dollar store, getting a new movie or choosing a candy from the store. His big prizes were visiting Pirate Island and Jumpin' Jacks, neither of which I really enjoy going to but have totally enthralled my children. It also helped that Thing 1 was very encouraging, because she also benefited from most of the prizes that he earned. And now we have four blissful months without purchasing or changing diapers.

The potty-training chart that is taped to the wall outside the bathroom.

Family Night for Japan

Recently when reading a friend's blog about a project that she was involved in for children in Japan. The Sleepy Time Gal has a friend in Ishinomaki, Japan. This friend is an elementary school teacher there, and on the day of the earthquake many of her students' parents never came to pick them up.  (You can read more about the project on her blog.) These children have many needs right now and it is something we can do to help. Simple things that I have around the house would mean so much to them.

I explained to my kids about what had happened in Japan and how there were children there who didn't have houses and some didn't have families. For family night we went through our closets and pantry and found things that the kids might enjoy. Most of these items I got cheaply (and some for free) using coupons and hitting sales.

Here are some the things that Sleepy Time Gal suggested:

• erasers
• crayons
• pencils
• hand sanitizer
• paper/supplies
• shippable foods
• children's clothing and shoes
• toiletries

The most cost-effective way to ship things to Japan is ship in a priority mail box. From what I have read on the internet, a small box cost $14 to ship to Japan and a medium box costs $44.  I grabbed one of each. I discovered that the small box was too small to effectively send much of anything, so I decided to cram whatever I could in a medium box.

I included 6 packs of tuna, 5 packs of instant potatoes, had to incorporate some food storage into this project somehow ;) a notebook, 2 pairs of shoes, 2 boxes of crayons, 2 small bottles of hand sanitizer, a box of instant hot chocolate packets, 6 small sheets of stickers, a box of cereal bars, 2 bags of cough drops (I read that there is a flu-like disease running around there) and a whole bunch of organic fruit suckers. I was pretty impressed that we managed to fit all of that in this box.

Now I don't share this because I want to say, oh look at me, but because I want people to see this and think 'Hey there is something that I can do to help'. And it was something that I could do with my kids, so I am teaching them that it is important that we help others.

Home Gardening- Take 2

 Earlier his week we took a trip to "the house store" as my children call it. My husband is encouraging a healthy love for our local home improvement store in them. As soon as we walk in Thing 1 always wants to look at the lighting aisle. (It's easy to imagine a little bit of magic there.) Thing 2 likes to look at the sinks and toilets. (We're pretty focused on potty training right now, not to mention he would spend all day playing in the sink if I let him.) And I have to admit that I like the place too. While we were there we picked up a $6 part to decrease water waste in our home, a new water filter for our fridge and some supplies for this year's garden. We also looked at the makings of some new home office furniture, but that is a project that will have to wait for a later date.

Thing 1 planting strawberries with her dad.

 Last year we spent $50 on plants and supplies and got 2 pathetic strawberries out of it. Pretty much a failure. I don't even want to add up how much we have spent this year. (It's more than $50.) But we've done a little more research and hopefully this time we can at least break even for the annuals. We've planned, loosened the dirt, removed a few random buried chunks of concrete and fertilized. Here's hoping. So far we have planted one red pepper, one heat-resistant tomato, one Anaheim pepper (two words: chile relleno), one sugar baby watermelon, one pomegranate tree, two raspberries (if they take we'll plant more) and 39 red onions. If I feel like we can stay on top of this maybe I'll plant an herb garden too.
 Now I'm sure that if I took the money that I have spent on plants and accessories, I could buy a lot more food storage than this garden could possibly produce. I can't kill food storage, or at least not as easily, and it is not nearly as demanding. However, we are planting a garden  because I feel there are important lessons that can be learned from it. We are teaching our children patience, the value of hard work and how to work together. Or at least that's the plan. So far they have been excited to be involved in the process and loved digging in the dirt, if we can just maintain their interest.... Of course there is also something very wonderful about fresh produce from the garden.

Thoughts about Vaccinations

Last week it hit the news that the research study that claimed that there was a link between the MMR vaccine and autism had altered facts and statistics. So the MMR vaccine does not in fact cause autism. Wow, that's embarrassing. Because of the MMR/Autism scare, there are thousands of kids who didn't receive their vaccines, and as a result measles are actually becoming endemic in parts of Great Britain.
 Now I have a few mixed feelings about vaccinations. I believe that vaccinations can be a wonderful thing. Vaccinations have saved millions of lives. However they are not without their faults. If you read the information sheets that come with your vaccinations they list some pretty daunting possible side effects including seizures, neurological problems, permanent brain damage and death. These side effects are very rare and it is more likely that your child will be afflicted by the disease by not getting the vaccine (which for some of the diseases can also lead to neurological problems and death) than that they will be affected by rare severe side effects. Severe side effects are not as common as they once were, as vaccinations have been developed and improved through the years. But those risks are still there and every parents should be aware of them.
  Another thing that many people don't realize is that vaccinations are not 100% prevention. Even if you get all of your vaccinations you can still contract the disease they are trying to prevent, it's just not as likely. I had all of my vaccinations and I still came down with the measles when I was six. It stands out as the most physically miserable experience of my childhood. (I remember having sores every where and feeling too weak to even scratch them. And I remember all of my joints aching like I have never since experienced.) But if most of a population has been vaccinated against a disease, it makes it difficult for the disease to spread. (On a side note because I actually had the measles, my antibody levels against the measles are more than six times what the average immunized person has. I only know this because my doctor's office, high school and county health department all lost the record of my booster shots and I had to lab work done to prove that I have in fact been immunized before they would let me start my first Pediatric nursing job.)
  I personally have had my kids vaccinated for everything except the flu. (Flu vaccines have proven to not go over well in my family, hospitalizing multiple relatives. For us it's easier just to deal with the flu.) It's something that I prayed about long and hard before deciding. I felt that the benefits outweighed the risks. But I can't speak for every parent. Every child is different and their reactions may not be the same. I have an aunt that when she took her daughter into get her standard vaccinations and a strong spiritual experience that told her that she should not get her child vaccinated. No one know what would have happened if she had ignored that prompting, but she didn't and her children have all been remarkably healthy. As a parent it's part of our job to determine what is best for our own children, and if we follow the Lord, He will help us along the way. I believe that for the vast majority of people vaccinations are a great thing and I highly recommend them. They have helped to decrease the incidence of many diseases that have been known to maim and kill untold numbers of children. But if a parent told me that they had prayed about it and strongly felt that their child should not be vaccinated, I would not argue with them.

Book Review: How Children Learn

How Children Learn by John Holt was recommended to me by my husband, a former school teacher.The author, was originally a math and french teacher, but after spending a lot time studying children and education and writing a couple of books went on contribute a great deal to the home school movement. Between reading this and How Children Fail, homeschooling is something that I am contemplating. And if nothing else I will very closely monitor what and how my children are learning.  I strongly recommend this book to parents teachers and anyone who works with children. It is longer than How Children Fail, slow to get into, and a lot to digest, but it has so many enlightening points. I feel like this quote from the book summarizes Holt's philosophy pretty well:
             The child is curious. He wants to make sense out of things, find out how things work, gain competence and control over himself and his environment, do what he can see other people doing. He is open, receptive, and perceptive. He does not shut himself off from the strange, confused, complicated world around him. He observes it closely and sharply, tries to take it all in. He is experimental. He does not merely observe the world around him, but tastes it, touches it, hefts it, bends it, breaks it. To find out how reality works, he works on it. He is bold. He is not afraid of making mistakes. And he is patient. He can tolerate an extraordinary amount of uncertainty, confusion, ignorance and suspense. He does not have to have instant meaning in any new situation. He is willing and able to wait for meaning to come to him- even if it comes slowly, which it usually does.
 Children are smart. They often know more than we give them credit for. And they can often handle more than we give them credit for too. Imagine the world from the eyes of a child. There is so much that doesn't make sense to one so new to the world, yet despite the confusion they move on mastering one thing at a time. As they do and try they notice their own mistakes and eventually fix them. To learn and to grow children have to trust and they have to feel accepted. They have to know that the mistakes that they make, don't matter. That they are loved and valued regardless, that someone believes that they can grow and learn anyway. And it is important that we play games with them, not because we believe it will develop their mind and get them into college, but because we love them.
  Children have to learn things in an order that is relevant to them if they are going to hold on to it. We can support and encourage this, but not force. If we let them study dinosaurs because that is what interests them, from there they will improve reading skills, learn earth science, biology and history and may very well branch to other fields of study as their interests take them that way. If we force them to learn what we feel is important they will learn and quiz and test them along the way, they will often become defensive. Even if they don't instead of thinking that learning is about how things work they think that learning is about finding answers to please grown-ups. As children learn, we must talk to them like regular people, not stupid midgets or minions. Children can tell the difference. If we think that every time we talk to a child we must teach her something, our talk may become calculated and fake and may lead children to think, like so many of today's young people, that all talk is a lie and a cheat. If we show children sincere love and interest their confidence will grow, as will their love of learning. There is no time in all of a child's growing up, when he will not be seriously hurt if he feels that we adults are not interested in what he is trying to say.
 One slow afternoon, I was reading this book at work. One of the pediatricians asked me "So how do children learn?" "They learn by doing and trying and failing and trying again. They don't learn by being corrected and humiliated, tested and forced." "Funny, that's exactly how God is with us. He lets us grow by trying, failing and trying again. And he doesn't force us to do or be anything." There's a lot of truth in that. Can you imagine that if every time we made a mistake an all-powerful God came down to tell us we were wrong? Would we be afraid to try, afraid to learn? Absolutely. I imagine that to some small children their parents and teachers seem very much like that. Someone very powerful and intimidating telling them that they are wrong. But God doesn't work like that. He's loving and patient and usually lets us learn from our own mistakes.

The Power of Coupons

I've been debating for awhile whether I should share this, I'm generally not the type who says "ooh, look what I did" (Then 'why do I even keep up a blog?' you may ask. I'm just hoping that the things I say are of use to someone out there.) But I decided that this is important enough to share.
Last week while we were running errands my daughter told me that she wanted to buy toys for kids who don't have any. I'm ashamed to admit that my first thought was 'Mommy is trying to save money.' Then I thought 'No, this is the type of person that I want her to be. The kind of person who thinks about the needs of others. I can find a way to make this work.' The first place that I thought of where we can take toys for children without, was the DOVE Center. The DOVE Center is an local emergency shelter for victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. I called them to see if my plan would be feasible and to find out what things they were needing. They actually were desperate for toys and games and would also appreciate toiletry items and women and children's underwear. Then I took my coupons and let my daughter pick out some toys. We managed to get $10 worth of small toys for $1.83. Then we managed to find several packages of Disney themed underwear on clearance for $3 for a 5 pack and a few packages of plain women's underwear. Then I went through my "stash". In my stash I have many toys and games that I've gotten on clearance or other ridiculously great deals. I also have multiple toiletry items that I have gotten for less than a dollar (often for free) using coupons. I filled an over-sized department store bag with items that all total cost me less than $30 (much of which I had spent previously). Once it was gathered in one place she threw a tantrum because she wanted one of the new games and I tried to explain it was for kids who didn't have anything. She pouted for several hours about it.
  A few days later, we took our bag o' booty to the DOVE Center. It's kind of difficult to find, and I suppose it's that way for the safety of its victims. It looks like a nice little place, other than the fact that it's behind a very tall locked chain-link fence. The lady who came out to take our donation was very appreciative of things we brought. My daughter was disappointed because she wanted to give the toys to the kids herself. I tried to explain to her that the kids were hiding inside because they were safe there. I tried to explain that their daddies had done mean things so they had to hide. Her four-year-old mind did not seem able to wrap around this idea. I suppose in some ways that's a good thing. So the experience was not exactly what I had envisioned. I don't think my daughter  understands what it means to go without, and she doesn't really understand that there are people out there who are genuinely suffering. But hey, she's four. Hopefully this experience and others like it in the future will help her to be a better person. And the moral of the story is you don't have to have lots of money to help those in need. Coupons can do the job too.

Helping Your Kids to Discover the Outdoors

Most  people will agree that children these days need to play outside more. It's one of those few noncontroversial parenting topics. But even for nature lovers it can be easier said than done. Recently I read an article in Salt Lake Tribune by Melissa Rayworth, that gave some ideas to overcome obstacles to your children discovering the outdoors.

• Team up with other parents of children in the neighborhood to take turns supervising outdoor play.
• Have outdoor picnics after work.
• Research your neighborhood. What are the crime stats? How safe is it? Is there something that can be done to improve the safety?
• Mandate that every hour of screen time is balanced by an hour of play time. Stick to it.
• Take a walk after the rain. Point out the changes in the environment.
• Offer open-ended toys that encourage creativity- i.e. a ball, a magnifying glass, a shovel and spade, etc.
• Accept the fact that your kids are going to get dirty. Don't make a big deal of it.
• Start a tiny garden, even if it's only a couple seeds, it gives you the opportunity to teach your children about how things grow.
• Don't wait until you have a full day free. Even if it's 15 minutes an small outdoor excursion is beneficial for your kids.

Book Review: Potty Train Your Child in Just One Day: Proven Secrets of the Potty Pro

 I read Potty Train Your Child in Just One Day: Proven Secrets of the Potty Pro by Teri Crane a few years ago when I was contemplating potty training my daughter and thought I would revisit as I'm hopeful that my son will soon be ready. (According to her quiz he is, but my children tend to be stubborn.) This book has some great pointers and ideas, but it's a little deceptive. You can't actually completely potty train your child in one day. Like any new skill it takes practice. The "one day" is an elaborate party that involves getting really excited about your toddler using the toilet. Not that I'm against getting excited about these developments, I just think that the one day party involves more work than stretching it out.  If you are aching to throw a potty party she does provide lots of ideas. I would say this book is worth reading, but not necessarily worth buying. (Unless you're shopping at B&N.com or Amazon and you need to spend a few more dollars so you get your free shipping, then by all means.)
 Here are some important points found in this book

• Don't try to train your child until they are ready. (Waking up dry, asking to be changed, bowel control at night, showing interest in the toilet are a few signs.)
• Don't potty train before or after any big changes in your child's life. (New siblings, move, change in daycare teachers, etc.)
• Flushable wipes, footstools and foaming hand-soap are your friends and worth the extra money. Trust me.
• NEVER punish a child for having accidents. It will only make the problem worse. (Sometimes I've seen patients who had something physically wrong with them and couldn't control the frequent accidents whose parents tried to punish them into bladder control. So sad.)
• Teach first, then train. Let them watch you use the toilet. Read a few books about using the potty. Model using a doll.
• Play games while on the potty to help make it fun. (Blow bubbles, play I spy, etc.)
• Make sure your child is very well hydrated to increase their chances of success.
• Keep a record of your child's bowel and bladder habits for awhile before training to get an idea of what their normal patterns are.
• Don't make a big deal about accidents, they're just learning. Do make a tremendous deal about successes.
• Enlist the help of others. (Whenever my daughter had a success we called Grandma to tell her. Grandma was very willing to tell her how fantastic that was.)
• Find rewards that are meaningful to them. For my daughter it was new Disney movies and a trip to the zoo. I have a friend who every time he successfully used the potty he got to call "Spiderman". (She would call her husband at work who would disguise his voice.) That was more effective than treats or toys. Years later he still believes that he actually talked to Spiderman.

The Bean Jar- Simple, yet Effective

I had been thinking for awhile that my kids are ready for some kind of reward system (they're four and two), but they're not ready to manage money and I don't want to bribe them with candy for every little thing. I was considering making some kind of chore chart when I read a short little article about a bean jar. I took a simple mason jar and a bag of beans and we are in business. Every time a bed is made, bean in the jar. A bean for each child who can make it through an errand trip without whining. A bean for each workbook page completed. Five beans for cleaning a bedroom. Throwing hymnals at your sibling in church means that beans will be taken away. (You would think I drowned a puppy for how traumatized they get when I take a bean out of the jar.) When the jar is full they get to pick a prize. Possible prizes: go swimming, Jumpin' Jacks, picking an item from the dollar store, a new book, go to a movie. We've been doing this for a couple weeks and I'm amazed at how well it is working. Sometimes my daughter gets up before the sun to make her bed and get a bean. Even my son will sometimes cooperate if he's rewarded with a bean. After starting I decided that they probably don't have the patience to get the jar full, so I made several lines on the outside with a Sharpie. At each line they get to pick a prize also.