Our Potty-Training Experience.

Thing 2 is officially potty trained. Hooray!  I read a book and a multiple articles, but when it came down to it, the most effective thing in training him to use the potty was cueing into him and letting him take it at his own pace. When he was barely two years old, he decided that he wanted "to pee in the potty". He would go in the bathroom, pull down his pants and pee on the floor next to the toilet. This was the week before we were moving into our new house. I didn't want to rock his world too much, nor did I have the time and patience to be potty training just then. A couple months later he was begging to use the potty again. So I bought a small potty that played music, superhero themed underwear and  many prizes and treats. He did fantastic for about 2 days. Then he came down with an awful case of diarrhea and we went back to the diapers. After this we tried several times, but he just wasn't really interested in using the potty and I didn't push it. Occasionally he would come to one of us, tell us he needed to use the toilet, sit down and successfully do his business and request a piece of candy. I know it was all about the candy, but I did care because we were making progress, even if it was small and random progress. After he turned three I tried to encourage him more often, but he was pretty determined that he only wanted to wear diapers. I tried switching to pull-ups. He called them swim diapers and treated them like any other diaper. Finally one day I sat down and spent three hours coloring a potty chart. It's kind of like a game board with little prizes along the way, a big midway prize and a big final prize. He gets a sticker for going #1 and two stickers (or one large sticker) for going #2, after he washes his hands. The first couple of days he was only moderately interested, but after he started earning prizes, he started cruising through and I feel like he had it down pretty well by the time he was only a third of the way through the chart. (I overestimated how long to make the chart. For Thing 1 the chart had to be much bigger. I didn't know it at the time, but she struggles with bladder spasms, which complicated things.) Some of the prizes I used were: baking cookies, going out for ice cream, going to McDonald's, picking something from the surprise box (which I had filled with an assortment of inexpensive small boy oriented prizes), choosing a movie from Redbox,  choosing something from the dollar store, getting a new movie or choosing a candy from the store. His big prizes were visiting Pirate Island and Jumpin' Jacks, neither of which I really enjoy going to but have totally enthralled my children. It also helped that Thing 1 was very encouraging, because she also benefited from most of the prizes that he earned. And now we have four blissful months without purchasing or changing diapers.

The potty-training chart that is taped to the wall outside the bathroom.

Thoughts about Vaccinations

Last week it hit the news that the research study that claimed that there was a link between the MMR vaccine and autism had altered facts and statistics. So the MMR vaccine does not in fact cause autism. Wow, that's embarrassing. Because of the MMR/Autism scare, there are thousands of kids who didn't receive their vaccines, and as a result measles are actually becoming endemic in parts of Great Britain.
 Now I have a few mixed feelings about vaccinations. I believe that vaccinations can be a wonderful thing. Vaccinations have saved millions of lives. However they are not without their faults. If you read the information sheets that come with your vaccinations they list some pretty daunting possible side effects including seizures, neurological problems, permanent brain damage and death. These side effects are very rare and it is more likely that your child will be afflicted by the disease by not getting the vaccine (which for some of the diseases can also lead to neurological problems and death) than that they will be affected by rare severe side effects. Severe side effects are not as common as they once were, as vaccinations have been developed and improved through the years. But those risks are still there and every parents should be aware of them.
  Another thing that many people don't realize is that vaccinations are not 100% prevention. Even if you get all of your vaccinations you can still contract the disease they are trying to prevent, it's just not as likely. I had all of my vaccinations and I still came down with the measles when I was six. It stands out as the most physically miserable experience of my childhood. (I remember having sores every where and feeling too weak to even scratch them. And I remember all of my joints aching like I have never since experienced.) But if most of a population has been vaccinated against a disease, it makes it difficult for the disease to spread. (On a side note because I actually had the measles, my antibody levels against the measles are more than six times what the average immunized person has. I only know this because my doctor's office, high school and county health department all lost the record of my booster shots and I had to lab work done to prove that I have in fact been immunized before they would let me start my first Pediatric nursing job.)
  I personally have had my kids vaccinated for everything except the flu. (Flu vaccines have proven to not go over well in my family, hospitalizing multiple relatives. For us it's easier just to deal with the flu.) It's something that I prayed about long and hard before deciding. I felt that the benefits outweighed the risks. But I can't speak for every parent. Every child is different and their reactions may not be the same. I have an aunt that when she took her daughter into get her standard vaccinations and a strong spiritual experience that told her that she should not get her child vaccinated. No one know what would have happened if she had ignored that prompting, but she didn't and her children have all been remarkably healthy. As a parent it's part of our job to determine what is best for our own children, and if we follow the Lord, He will help us along the way. I believe that for the vast majority of people vaccinations are a great thing and I highly recommend them. They have helped to decrease the incidence of many diseases that have been known to maim and kill untold numbers of children. But if a parent told me that they had prayed about it and strongly felt that their child should not be vaccinated, I would not argue with them.

Most Successful Toys at Our House

Last week a friend asked about a toy that my son was playing with. It got me thinking about the toys that have been most successful at our house. To me successful toys are the ones that we have gotten our money's worth from, that our kids don't seem to tire of, don't have any tiny pieces that get lost or broken like Littlest Pet Shops, were reasonably priced (I have never spent more than $50 on any single toy) and don't make my life more difficult in some way or another like Playdough.  It seemed like the perfect post for Cyber Monday.

1. Leapfrog Tag Reader Pen When I first heard of this I was skeptical. My kids don't need a pen to read them stories, I read to them all the time. Plus the books are kind of expensive. However, this toy has saved my sanity on many a car ride. (Thank you, Grandma) The original pen only has 16 MB of memory, which is about 5 books. Now there is a pen out with 32 MB. Both of my kids love this. The pen is essentially a camera that works with the specialized paper to play words and music when it recognizes images. There are also learning activities and games that go along with each book. When these first came out they were $50 each, but last week I bought a 32 MB pen for $27. The books are generally retail priced at $14 each, but I have gotten several for $5-6 with sales and coupons. If you are buying this one for the first time and not finding a smashing deal somewhere else I recommend going to the Leapfrog website. A starter bundle is cheaper there and you can find numerous coupons on the internet, plus you can get an Ebates bonus. The only drawback is that they take AAA batteries and the pen will warn you that the batteries are low for a few hours before they actually need to be changed. :S
2. Leapfrog Tag Maps I love these maps! They have interactive games that work with the Tag reader pen and teach about geography and culture. And they have been another hit with the kids. (Or the one they have at the moment, the other one is for Christmas.) Amazon has the USA map for $20 and the world map for $50, but I found both of them for less than $28 shipped from Leapfrog.com with a sale and coupon. If you're feeling brave this holiday season, I've heard that Toys R Us has them for $20 each, but that place is just crazy this time of year. They are much bigger than I expected and are not a toy that can easily be used in the car.
3. Melissa and Doug Deluxe Band in a Box We have had this one for years and my kids still love to play with it. There are enough instruments that I can sit down with both of them and we can have a "jam session" trading instruments as we please. My son likes to slobber all over the recorder and then try share with others. It has pretty much become his exclusive recorder. (Amazon lists this one for $43. I swear I got mine for $22. Shop around.)
4. LEGO Duplos Yes, Legos are more expensive than many other building blocks out there, but they are good quality products that encourage imaginative play. My kids love to build things with them, and even though my kids can be kind of rough on toys we have yet to have any of these break. For my son's birthday last year I managed to score 3 sets in the Dino Valley series for $35 together shipped (retail at the time about $170) from Lego.com. (Part of the reason I got such a good deal was that the packaging had been smashed, but the toys themselves were still good.) I think it would have been worth it if I had paid full price for them, he plays with them that much. Here's a post I found awhile back on how to get good deals on Legos.
5. Melissa and Doug Puzzles We have about a dozen of these. (My kids are only grandchildren.) My kids love to put them together over and over again. I like them because they are sturdy. We may have lost a few pieces, put we have yet to break any. Another good quality toy. I have found that I can usually find these at reduced prices at Ross and TJ Max.
6. Melissa and Doug Pound and Roll Tower Whoever came up with this one either has spent a lot of time with small boys or is a genius. It involves balls, a hammer and a ramp. What more does a little boy need? (And at the moment it is only $13 on Amazon.)
7. Melissa and Doug Pound-A-Peg Funny story about this one: One evening my daughter was playing with this toy (she was two at the time) and my husband said to her "It's time to get ready for bed." She replied "No, it's Hammer Time!"
8. Bouncy Balls- The kind that are slightly smaller than a playground ball and you can get for about a dollar. My kids have just as much fun with those as their more expensive toys.
9. Fisher Price Little People A to Z Learning Zoo Ok, my kids haven't actually tested this one yet, but I have read several reviews before deciding that this one will be my son's "big toy" this year.  I'm excited about it, it plays music, it has little animals and it will help him learn his alphabet. They have a few other Little People toys that we have been happy with. (Another toy that was bigger than I expected.) I found this one for $48 shipped at FisherPrice.com, plus they gave me a code for $10 off $50 "10thanku4" and another small free bonus toy that will make a good stocking stuffer.

10. Pop-Up Pirate We kind of have a thing for pirates at our house. (See right.) This is a good game that all family members can play and enjoy together. Y'aargh! A pirate's life for me.
11. Playskool Ball Popper I can't believe I almost forgot this one. My son loves this and has spent countless hours playing with it. It's basically a fan with a tube slide and 5 plastic balls. Of course he figured out how to use it like a blow gun, but it doesn't pop the balls out hard enough to hurt anything.


Check out my post about tips for online shopping.

What have been the most successful toys in your family?

Happy Purchases Today

1. Important service announcement: Costco is once again stocking Dino Nuggets! Is anyone else as excited about this as I am? My family has been missing these in the past few years. They taste so much better than the other kid-geared chicken nugget options out there, and per pound they were less expensive than the other chicken nugget options at Costco (although not by much). I only found it because my son was being uncooperative, ran away and tried to hop into someone else's cart. They happened to have Dino Nuggets in their cart. Dino Nuggets! I was really excited about it and that man looked at me like I was crazy. Oh, well it's not the first time.
2. I have reached that point in my life where my marriage is outlasting the wedding gifts that we received. I suppose this is a good thing, but in the past month my food dehydrator, my toaster, a skillet and my blender have kicked the bucket. I bought one blender/smoothie maker from Amazon. Now normally I am a loyal happy Amazon customer, but this one sucked. It leaked and couldn't even blend frozen fruit. Definitely returning it. (I hate returning things by mail, it's such a pain.) Today I went to Bed Bath and Beyond with the intent of buying the Ninja Blender, but they didn't have it in stock. So I brought home this the Ninja Blender/Chopping System. I used it to make Creamy Tomato Soup this evening. I am really happy with it. It's great when you need to blend multiple things and don't have wash the container immediately because there are three, plus it's super fast. (This is not a infomercial, if you want to know more details about the product you can google it.) I am sharing this because I'm really excited about my new purchase. It's totally going to make cooking easier for me because I use my blender a lot. And after coupon and rebate it was $40.99, compared to $68.90 on Amazon. Hooray!

 

Book Review: How Children Learn

How Children Learn by John Holt was recommended to me by my husband, a former school teacher.The author, was originally a math and french teacher, but after spending a lot time studying children and education and writing a couple of books went on contribute a great deal to the home school movement. Between reading this and How Children Fail, homeschooling is something that I am contemplating. And if nothing else I will very closely monitor what and how my children are learning.  I strongly recommend this book to parents teachers and anyone who works with children. It is longer than How Children Fail, slow to get into, and a lot to digest, but it has so many enlightening points. I feel like this quote from the book summarizes Holt's philosophy pretty well:
             The child is curious. He wants to make sense out of things, find out how things work, gain competence and control over himself and his environment, do what he can see other people doing. He is open, receptive, and perceptive. He does not shut himself off from the strange, confused, complicated world around him. He observes it closely and sharply, tries to take it all in. He is experimental. He does not merely observe the world around him, but tastes it, touches it, hefts it, bends it, breaks it. To find out how reality works, he works on it. He is bold. He is not afraid of making mistakes. And he is patient. He can tolerate an extraordinary amount of uncertainty, confusion, ignorance and suspense. He does not have to have instant meaning in any new situation. He is willing and able to wait for meaning to come to him- even if it comes slowly, which it usually does.
 Children are smart. They often know more than we give them credit for. And they can often handle more than we give them credit for too. Imagine the world from the eyes of a child. There is so much that doesn't make sense to one so new to the world, yet despite the confusion they move on mastering one thing at a time. As they do and try they notice their own mistakes and eventually fix them. To learn and to grow children have to trust and they have to feel accepted. They have to know that the mistakes that they make, don't matter. That they are loved and valued regardless, that someone believes that they can grow and learn anyway. And it is important that we play games with them, not because we believe it will develop their mind and get them into college, but because we love them.
  Children have to learn things in an order that is relevant to them if they are going to hold on to it. We can support and encourage this, but not force. If we let them study dinosaurs because that is what interests them, from there they will improve reading skills, learn earth science, biology and history and may very well branch to other fields of study as their interests take them that way. If we force them to learn what we feel is important they will learn and quiz and test them along the way, they will often become defensive. Even if they don't instead of thinking that learning is about how things work they think that learning is about finding answers to please grown-ups. As children learn, we must talk to them like regular people, not stupid midgets or minions. Children can tell the difference. If we think that every time we talk to a child we must teach her something, our talk may become calculated and fake and may lead children to think, like so many of today's young people, that all talk is a lie and a cheat. If we show children sincere love and interest their confidence will grow, as will their love of learning. There is no time in all of a child's growing up, when he will not be seriously hurt if he feels that we adults are not interested in what he is trying to say.
 One slow afternoon, I was reading this book at work. One of the pediatricians asked me "So how do children learn?" "They learn by doing and trying and failing and trying again. They don't learn by being corrected and humiliated, tested and forced." "Funny, that's exactly how God is with us. He lets us grow by trying, failing and trying again. And he doesn't force us to do or be anything." There's a lot of truth in that. Can you imagine that if every time we made a mistake an all-powerful God came down to tell us we were wrong? Would we be afraid to try, afraid to learn? Absolutely. I imagine that to some small children their parents and teachers seem very much like that. Someone very powerful and intimidating telling them that they are wrong. But God doesn't work like that. He's loving and patient and usually lets us learn from our own mistakes.

Wordless Wednesday

This is what happens when the computer is left alone while the 2 year old is awake. I have no idea how he did this.

How to Get Your Children to Take Their Medicine

Last week my son came down with a nasty case of tonsillitis. A few days later my daughter started with a cough and sore throat. We went back to the doctor and she had tonsillitis, a respiratory infection and and ear infection. This means lots of medicine for the little people at my house. Getting small children to take medicine is easier said than done, but entirely necessary. I can't tell you how many time I've had patients admitted to the hospital because their parents couldn't/wouldn't make them take their medicine. I know that forcing your children to take their medicine can be unpleasant, but I can promise that it's not as traumatic as their condition worsening and then requiring blood draws and IV starts. Here are some tips for getting the job done.

1. Have a good attitude. You are the parent, not the punisher, and children will respond to your approach. Smile and use a happy voice.
2. Explain to your child in simple terms that they need to take their medicine so they can get better. Sometimes if you let them know what's going on they will cooperate.
3. Don't back down. This is not up for negotiation. Some battles are worth fighting and this is one of them.
4. Model with a toy or a doll first. Talk about how taking the medicine helps dolly to feel better.
5. Let them do it themselves. Some children will take their medicine with little fuss if they get to feel like they are somewhat in control of the process. (Many kids love to push the stopper on the back of the syringe themselves.) If they can't do it themselves, let them pick which spoon or what to drink it with.
6. Add food coloring. It can be fun if your child gets to pick what color the medicine is.
7. Bribery. Yes, this is not the best answer to every problem, but taking medicine can be unpleasant and sometimes they need a little incentive. Pick something that appeals to them, stickers, candy, an extra half hour of TV, a prize, whatever it takes to get the job done. (Whether we admit it or not, as adults we take bribes too. Like when I go into work extra when I'm exhausted and my house is a mess because they offer me money.) However, if they won't take the bait, don't give up.
8. Threats (valid and relevant ones, mind you) "If you don't take your medicine you won't get better, and if you're sick we can't play with friends or go to fun places." This generally won't work on 2 (and sometimes 3) and under. They have to be to the point that they're thinking about things past the here and now and making connections between cause and effect.
9. Hide it in food. Chocolate pudding, juice, smoothies and apple sauce are good mediums. Just make sure that you mix the medicine in a small quantity (but big enough to hide it) so you can know that they got the whole thing. Ask your doctor or pharmacist if your particular med is ok to mix with food, and it's generally not a good idea if it is something that they need to take long-term.
10. Hide it in syrup. FlavoRx is product found in many pharmacies, grocery and drug stores. It comes in 42 flavors and is specifically for hiding medicine. Just remember that, it means that much more quantity that you have to get your child to swallow.
11. Less is more. If you do have to hide it, it's often easier to do so if your doctor prescribes the concentrated pill form that can be crushed and mixed versus the less-concentrated quantity (less potential for overdose) that comes with a children's elixir.
12. Offer a chaser. Something they like to wash it down with and get rid of the medicine aftertaste.
13. Distraction. I use this one a lot at work. Children can sometimes be fairly compliant when in a "TV trance" or watching bubbles. If they are distracted their mouth will usually drop open, offering "a window".
14. Have back-up available. Either to distract or hold resistant hands out of the way.
15. Use a small syringe. If the syringe is too big for your child's mouth, it is easier to shove it out of the way with their tongue. If your pharmacist didn't include a plastic syringe, ask for one. They're generally free with a medication purchase.
16. Aim for the back of their cheek and squirt so they don't taste it as much and it is difficult to spit out. If you squirt the medicine straight towards the back of their throat it can cause them to gag, cough and sometimes vomit. That's exactly what you don't need.
17. Pinch their cheeks right behind their molars with your thumb on one cheek and your middle finger on the other. Not my favorite method because it's uncomfortable for the child, but sometimes necessary and very effective. This will pry open clinched teeth and make it difficult for them to spit.
18. Small quantities at a time. If you put too much in their mouth at once it will come right back at you, making all previous efforts futile. Plus then you're sticky and smell like medicine.
19. Blow between their eyes. This usually works if they have it in their mouth, but are refusing to swallow. This method triggers a reflex that will get them to swallow. (This works best in the 3 and under population.)
20. Try something else. Perhaps you need another flavor, another brand, another route. Keep trying until the job gets done. Let your doctor know that what you're trying isn't working and s/he may have other suggestions.
21. Have a routine. This is especially important if it is a medication that they have to take long-term. 

Ways that Parents Can Reform Healthcare

Yesterday at work I read a short article on ways that parents can reform healthcare. I know that I've mentioned some of these before, but I think they're worth repeating and not one of them requires an act of congress. Each of them are ways that you can improve the health of you and your children immediately and in the long-run. By taking care of yourself and your children you can decrease healthcare costs for yourself and everyone else.

1. Eat healthy- Providing healthy meals for yourself and your children is a simple way that can give you more energy and give your body the building blocks it needs to fight off infections. Improving your diet decreases your risk for cancer, diabetes and heart disease.
2. Exercise-Active kids are far more likely to be healthy. Exercise improves your blood circulation which makes the organs and processes in your body work more effectively.
3. Prevent accidents- Vigilantly watch your children. Make them wear helmets. Make them wear seat belts. Make sure that you have the appropriate car seat.  Don't let them sit on the ledge of the back of a pickup while off-roading through the country. I know these are boring suggestions, but they are so important! I have seen so many sad stories of kids whose parents didn't make them do these things.

The Bean Jar- Simple, yet Effective

I had been thinking for awhile that my kids are ready for some kind of reward system (they're four and two), but they're not ready to manage money and I don't want to bribe them with candy for every little thing. I was considering making some kind of chore chart when I read a short little article about a bean jar. I took a simple mason jar and a bag of beans and we are in business. Every time a bed is made, bean in the jar. A bean for each child who can make it through an errand trip without whining. A bean for each workbook page completed. Five beans for cleaning a bedroom. Throwing hymnals at your sibling in church means that beans will be taken away. (You would think I drowned a puppy for how traumatized they get when I take a bean out of the jar.) When the jar is full they get to pick a prize. Possible prizes: go swimming, Jumpin' Jacks, picking an item from the dollar store, a new book, go to a movie. We've been doing this for a couple weeks and I'm amazed at how well it is working. Sometimes my daughter gets up before the sun to make her bed and get a bean. Even my son will sometimes cooperate if he's rewarded with a bean. After starting I decided that they probably don't have the patience to get the jar full, so I made several lines on the outside with a Sharpie. At each line they get to pick a prize also.

Family Dinners are Important

I recently read an article in the newspaper that I thought was worth sharing. After doing research for more than a decade The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University has found that the more often children eat dinner with their families, the less likely they are to smoke, drink or use drugs. The center's chairman and president said "If I could wave a magic wand to make a dent in our nation's substance abuse problem, I would make sure that every child in America has dinner with his or her parents at least five times a week." There are other perks of having family meals together. Families that eat together have children who:

• Eat healthier meals.
• Are less likely to become overweight or obese.
• Are more likely to stay away from cigarettes.
• Are less likely to try alcohol, marijuana or illicit drugs.
• Are less likely to have friends who abuse prescription drugs.
• Will get better grades in school.
• Will talk to their parents more.
• Will be more likely to tell their parents about serious problems.
• Will be more likely to feel that their parents are proud of them.
• Will live in a home where there is less stress and tension

Sitting down for regular meals does more good than soccer and piano combined. And the real secret is "What your kids really want for dinner is you!"

For the complete article go here.

A possible reason why your child is having accidents...

Ok, so I'm sure that if my daughter were a teenager and knew that I was writing this she would be mortified. But she's four, her reading ability is very limited and therefore I can still get away with this. Besides, it's for the benefit of moms everywhere.
 So my daughter has accidents. Children do. It's part of life, it's something they grow out of. Usually she'll start 'doing the potty dance' and I or the nearest adult will tell her to go to the bathroom. She will respond that she doesn't need to go, keep playing, and a few minutes later she'll run off and have an accident on the way to the toilet. This probably happens sometimes once, sometimes 5 times a week. But sometimes she'll have an accident without the dance or any other warning. I mentioned it to her pediatrician at her last well-child check. He looked at her, but was not concerned. 'She'll grow out of it.'  This goes on for a few more months, but she doesn't have any pain, fevers or other signs that might indicate a urinary tract infection (UTI). Last week she had 7 accidents in 12 hours and was very upset each time. I took her to the pediatrician as soon as I could get her in. She was seen, she peed in a cup and they started her on an anti-biotic. A couple days later they called me back and said she didn't actually have a UTI. Apparently she has something called idiopathic bladder spasms. That means that her bladder suddenly and violently contracts without any apparent reason. From what I've read it's very rare, but in three days I've run into 3 other moms whose four-year-olds were diagnosed with it, so it can't be that rare. So she is taking a medication called Oxybutynin (Ditropan), which reduces bladder spasms. So far, so much better. I just feel bad that I did take care of the problem sooner.
 The most common cause of bladder accidents in children is a urinary tract infection. If you suspect this, take care of it immediately because a UTI can lead to other problems. And even if it isn't a UTI, it's possible that it's another problem that can be easily treated.  Sometimes bladder accidents are caused by stress. Look at the whole picture and talk to your child. Accidents can also be a result of nerve damage or the side-effect of a medication. Certain foods such as pickles, citrus, caffiene, chocolate, tomatoes and artificial sweeteners can irritate the lining of the bladder and cause spasms. Whatever you do, don't punish you child for having accidents, it will only make the problem worse.

Book Review: How Children Fail

As my husband is a teacher by trade, he has read several books on children and education that he recommended I read. One of these is How Children Fail by John Holt. I found it to be profound and fascinating and recommend it to anyone who cares about what their children learn or education. (Plus at under 200 pages, it's a quick read.) John Holt was a teacher and this book is a collection of memos that he shared with other teachers and his administration. His memos were based on observations in teaching his own students and observing other teachers in their classrooms. Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book:

• The only answer that really sticks in a child's mind is the answer to a question that he asked or might ask of himself.
• Our aim must be to build soundly, and if this means that we must build more slowly, so be it. The work of the children themselves will tell us.
• The invention of the wheel was as big a step forward as the invention of the airplane—bigger, in fact... Above all, we will have to avoid the difficult temptation of showing slow students the wheel so that they may more quickly get to work on the airplanes...Knowledge that is not genuinely discovered by children will very likely prove useless and will soon be forgotten.
• There must be a way to educate young children so that the great human qualities that we know are in them  may be developed. But we'll never do it as long as we are obsessed with tests...How can we foster a joyous, alert, whole-hearted participation in life, if we build all our schooling around the holiness of getting "right answers?"
• A child is most intelligent when...he cares most about what he is doing.
• When a child gets right answers by illegitimate means, and gets credit for knowing what he doesn't know, and knows he doesn't know, it does double harm. First, he doesn't learn, his confusions are not cleared up; secondly, he comes to believe that a combination of bluffing, guessing, mind reading, snatching at clues and getting answers from other people is what he is supposed to do at school; that this is what school is all about; that nothing else is possible.
• Kids really like to learn (they) just don't like being pushed around.

Throughout the book he talks a great deal about the use of fear to get children to learn. Fear is not an effective motivator. It may have immediate results, in that children grasp at whatever means possible to find the right answer, but they don't usually understand or retain the process this way. As he described the children he worked with and their various learning failures I thought back to a girl I had worked with during my psych rotation of nursing school. She started out as bright, smart, cheerful, healthy and happy. After a weekend visit to her father, she was found abandoned and huddled in a little ball. No one knows exactly what happened to her. They suspected some extreme abuse, but she never came out of the secret world that she had run away to. I observed her more than a dozen years after the incident and she was still rocking and hiding somewhere else, only emerging occasionally to scream. This is obviously an extreme example, but I think that it holds true. Children can become so crippled by fear and stress that they don't learn. Afraid of failure and disapproval they often hide away within themselves, away from the unpleasant stimulus that they can't bear.
 Another method that he speaks against is tricks and formulas. I remember as a student being bothered by formulas. They didn't tell me why I was getting the answer I was getting. And when I would I ask why, my teachers would be annoyed and generally tell me in an exasperated manner, that's just the way it is. As a result I forgot most algebra as soon as I possibly could. No one could ever tell me where these answers were coming from, I was just manipulating numbers. The "right answers" were not relevant to me, so I didn't retain it.
 This book makes me resolved to be a better teacher of my own children. I want them to love learning. To do so, I can't push them into learning the things that I feel are important. If my daughter wants to learn about bears or bugs, I've got to run wear her curiosity takes us. And when it comes to things like math and reading, the essentials, I've got to apply things in ways that make sense to her and never give her the answer "That's just the way that it is."  or "because I say so."  When I don't know an answer, I must admit it and try to find it. She is and is becoming an intelligent person, and I must treat her as such. I must teach her that it is ok to fail, we just need to learn from our mistakes. So many people don't try because then they can use the excuse 'I didn't do well because I didn't try'. But if they put forth their best efforts and still fail, then how do they face their peers? Now I think to a great extent, all of us want our children to love learning, but effectively kindling that love in them is much easier said than done.

Confessions of A Mother of a Picky Eater

I thought that my daughter was picky, until I had my son. That child would not drink formula. The only baby foods I ever got him to eat were bananas, pears and apple sauce. Weaning was a nightmare. Once I did get him weaned I worried about him because he won't eat anything. Really, he lives on fruits, crackers, cheese, chocolate milk and yogurt. He doesn't eat bread, vegetables or meats. (Now he will once in awhile eat a chicken nugget.) Occasionally he'll eat eggs, but never more than once a week. People think I'm kidding when I say that. I wish I were. I've tried all kinds of things. Many work for my daughter, few work for my son. Initially I brought this up with my pediatrician, who told me not to worry. He's healthy and as long as you keep offering him things, eventually he'll start eating them. "Studies have shown that you have to offer a child a food 8-10 times before they show interest." Yeah, well studies weren't looking at my child. Once he went for two days without eating anything but a few glasses of chocolate milk. All day long he demanded fruit snacks. No, you can't have fruit snacks, how about a banana? He refused that and everything else I offered. After two days of me not giving him fruit snacks (ok that's not entirely true, I did cave and give him one pack of fruit snacks) he decided that he wanted Ramen noodles. He ate two entire packages by his little 18 month old self. Not the most nutritious meal, but I was just so grateful that he finally decided to eat something. A few months ago I took him into the pediatrician (a new guy since we have moved) for a well-child check. Since I stopped breast-feeding he's dropped from the 95th percentile to the 16th percentile. Whah! Little boy that I love, please eat something! He hasn't lost any weight, but he hasn't really gained much either. (He's not considered failure to thrive or anything, it's just that this rate he'll end up being 6 to 8" shorter than my husband.)
 My pediatrician suggested that I start putting Carnation Instant Breakfast in his chocolate milk. I did this and he lost all interest in all other foods. Why should he bother with eating when his chocolate milk gives him everything that he needs? (Really, a person can live off of Carnation Instant Breakfast and not need anything else.) After a few days of this I decided that he was only getting supplemented chocolate milk twice a day. Every evening at dinner I give him a few tablespoons of what we are eating in a bowl. He doesn't want to look at it. He just screams "Take it, take it" and ends up eating fruit and cheese for dinner.
 Another way that I have managed to sneak some nutrition to him is muffins. In the past few months he has shown an interest in them, so I pack them full of everything I can: pumpkin, shredded carrots, apples, oatmeal, powdered milk, and orange juice. He loves them. Between these two things he's gained three pounds in as many months. Whoot!
 Today when my daughter requested a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch, he wanted one too and he ate it! Or about 1/4th of a sandwich with apple slices and milk (not the chocolate variety either). But for him this is huge progress. I try to serve healthy well-balanced meals and just hope that someday my kids will be interested in eating them.

Just A Reminder

If you are having one of those days where you are really frustrated with your life just remember:
"The way that mothers nurture their children may make babies smarter, healthier and better able to deal with stress. These are qualities that will carry through their lives and into the lives of their own children." -Louann Brizendine, M.D. and neuropsychologist
What you do as a mom is so important!

How to Survive Road Trips with Small Children

As our closest family is four hours away, I have mastered the art of a successful road trip, and have had many an unsuccessful road trip also. Success just requires a little preparation.  Make sure that you have the following readily available:

• baby wipes- best thing for cleaning up sticky fingers and faces (and diapers if applicable)
• a change of clothes per child (In an emergency situation we had to have our child pee in the bushes by the side of the road, she's small, it's awkward, and we had to dig a change of clothes out of the trunk)
• 2 toys per child- When they get bored with the first, they can change without stealing from their neighbor
• a few favorite books, coloring books, a few crayons each
• cds with music that your children enjoy to sing along with and cds with music that is soothing and can help transition to nap time
• a pillow and blanket for each child- Sometimes they sleep with them, sometimes they hide under them, on one trip I think my son played peek-a-boo with his for two hours straight
• SNACKS- This is a must. Here are some of our favorites: baby carrots, fruit snacks, granola bars, cookies, apple slices, beef jerky, fruit leather, craisins, crackers, and string cheese.
• frozen Caprisuns- crucial in the summer time. We always throw a few of these in a small cooler with some other drinks. Towards the beginning of the trip you drink whatever you threw in there to be chilled. Towards the end you can drink your thawed, but still icy Caprisuns. They can actually keep food cold for 2-3 days if you have enough frozen Caprisuns and keep the cooler shut.
• a few water bottles
• a plastic grocery bag for tossing garbage
• something for you to read when the kids fall asleep
• map/atlas or GPS

As much as I dislike the place, McDonald's has made many a road trip easier. The kids get out of the car, eat two bites of a happy meal, run around until they're totally worn out, get back in the car and quickly fall asleep. And there's always a McDonald's somewhere, they're easy to spot and it's a doable option, rain, shine, snow, whatever. We've just gotten to the point where we stop somewhere else for Mommy to get a sandwich or salad first, and I eat that while they let their nuggets get cold. (Happy Meals aren't the most nutritious things, but they have gotten better than when we were kids. I'm ok with my kids having them on occasion. They always get the chicken nuggets, apple slices and chocolate milk.) If you know the area, or it's a good day for your GPS and the weather's nice, you can get the same results with taking lunch in a park, but you can't bank on those factors.
 I had a co-worker once tell me that she just gave her kids Benedryl and then they slept for most of their long roads trips. I tried that. Didn't work for us at all. I gave my daughter a second dose and I she was more wired than before. I've found classical music to be more effective in getting my kids to sleep in the car than anything else. I also found that road trips became sooo much easier after we had two kids. My daughter just didn't like to be alone in the back seat for long periods of time.

Where I shop for children's clothing

On a several occasions I have been asked where and how I get such good deals on children's clothing. Here's the breakdown:

Online: (More convenient and we all love packages, don't we?)

OldNavy & Gap- It seems that about every other month they have a sale where you can get 20-30% off. They generally have most of what I am looking for, and I can often find things for my husband and I there also. It's the best place to get pants if your kids are of the tall and skinny proportions. There are often great deals in the clearance section and everything that I have bought there so far has outlasted my kids. If you have a ON card, there are extra bonuses. You get 5% back of what you spend in reward bucks, plus there are double & triple points offers and often coupons for free stuff.  (Example, last December they mailed out coupons for $10 off any purchase. So I got $30 worth of merchandise for free.) They also give a Upromise rebate. The drawback of shopping online is that you often have to pay for shipping if you spend less than $100, however online you can stack your coupons plus you get the rebate, whereas you don't get that in the store. Another drawback is that there is less of the "exciting and different", but it's where I go for the basics. If you sign up for emails, they'll tell you about sales and send you coupons.

The Children's Place- They also have some great deals every few months, especially if you are buying out of season. Last fall I stocked up on shorts and t-shirts for my kids because with the coupons they came to 75 cents each. (I live in St. George, it's shorts weather 9-10 months out of the year.) They don't allow coupon stacking, but they do give a Upromise rebate. $5 flat shipping rate. Also of note: their shoes wear out super fast.

Kohl's- I've gotten a few darling outfits for my daughter here for $6 each. Upromise rebate and more rewards if you have a Kohl's card. (I can't tell you what they are, because I don't.) Limited coupon stacking.

In stores: (No shipping charge or minimum, yay!)
JC Penny- They often have super cute baby clothes at good prices.

Macy's- I've gotten a few super amazing deals in the kid's department if your timing is right. 4-piece outfits for $5, little dresses for $3.

Gap- The clearance section is where it's at, and it's always better than the clearance online. They often have great deals that aren't out of season yet. Last fall I got an adorable lined boy's pea coat for $17 plus I snagged a black angora cableknit sweater for me for $10.

Old Navy- I actually don't shop there that often. Online prices are always better, but there is the occasional sale....

Costco- Best place for kid's pajamas and little girl's Christmas and Easter dresses. The Carter's fleece footie jammies are about $7. Although, here you run a great chance of having her wear the same dress that the neighbor girl is wearing.

Ross- Not always the best selection for kids clothing in the size you need and less reliability, but I've found my best shoe finds here.  Skecher's for $15

Upromise- start saving for your children's college without having to think about it

Previously I gave a list of websites that I use to save money, but I didn't go into a lot of detail on each. So I'll expand on them some more.
 One website I use is Upromise. Signing up is free, and how it works is this site advertises various businesses and when you use those businesses, they donate a percentage of what you spend to your account. Now by advertising, the businesses are trying to get your money, because hey that's what business is about. And I'm not sure, but they probably can write off the money they donate as a charitable contribution because it goes toward education.
 To make this work for you, just buy the things you were going to buy anyway and get a percentage back. Spending a dollar to get 13 cents back doesn't make any sense.  But if you planned on spending that dollar on something you need, why not get 13% back? Websites that I've used include The Children's Place, Old Navy, Barnes & Noble, Verizon, and 1800Contacts to name a few, but they have an enormous list to choose from. If you don't want to have to go to the Upromise site first every time you shop online, you can download a little gadget that alerts you whenever you are visiting a participating site. Thus you are saving money for college without thinking about it.
  You can also get money back from what you spend at the grocery store if you register you Smiths's or Albertson's cards with them. There's not a huge payoff there, but a few free dollars back. The site offers rebates on hotel, travel, furniture, restaurants, purchasing a home, subscriptions, with rebates ranging between 1-20%. Plus they often have coupon codes that are not found in other places.
  I've had my account for about a year and a half and have saved $500, which by the time my daughter gets to college will probably cover a semester's worth of books, if I'm lucky. But I still have a long time to save and really I would have spent money on those various things anyway, so why not get $500 back?

My latest way to sneak veggies to my children

If you're like me and many other moms, you struggle to get your kids to eat veggies. (Click here for my favorite means of sneaking it to them.) And I'm always looking for ways to get my kids to eat better that actually work. Here's my latest trick: Pepperidge Farm Garden Cheddar Goldfish. Each 1.1 oz serving of crackers contains 1/3 serving of vegetables. Yes, nutritionally, this is not as good as eating whole vegetables, but it's a taste that my kids love, are familiar with and is easy to stash in my purse for those times when we're out and my kids need a snack. The crackers are baked with dried vegetable powder in the mix and my kids love them. There is a slight veggie taste to them, but honestly think that it improves the flavor. And right now they're on sale for $0.88 per package at Smith's.

If you were my friend, this is what I would tell you...

 Let's say that we're friends. Your child is sick and you call me for advice. Most likely I will tell you to take s/he in to see the paediatrician. He says that he thinks that the child needs to be hospitalised. Now here is where my advice will help you. I'm going to tell you right now to "pay attention and ask questions". I think I tell almost every parent that I work with to speak up and ask questions. But sometimes because of the stress of the situation, parents just go along with what is happening. Don't be afraid to make waves!  You don't have to be rude, but this is your child we're talking about, and ultimately you are the one that has to deal with the consequences. Ask what is happening. Ask why. Ask if this is the best option. Ask what possible the side effects of a procedure/ medication are. And don't be satisfied until you get some answers.
 Now I wish that this weren't the case, but sometimes medical decisions are not based on the best interest of the patient. Sometimes they are based on politics or the best interest of the doctor, availability or insurance coverage. And the details vary from case to case, doctor to doctor and hospital to hospital. The best way to make sure your child is getting the best care that they need, is to speak up, pay attention and do not be afraid to ask questions.

When Looking for a Doctor, Ask a Nurse

 Today's post is about something that I wish that I had learned much earlier than I did. When you need a good doctor for something, the best recommendation you can get is from a nurse. Even if you don't know a nurse who works with the kind of physician you're looking for, you can still call the hospital and ask for recommendations. The best time to do this is on a Sunday afternoon when things are generally slower and nurses have more time to answer all of your questions. The nurses generally know who has good or bad track records. They work with the doctors on a regular basis and can pick out the ones who know their stuff. Now if you ask them they're probably not going to say "Oh, I definitely wouldn't see Dr. A because he is terrible about washing his hands." or "Dr. B is flaming moron" or "Dr. C is in danger of losing his license", but if there is stuff going on, they'll know. Trust me. They can point you towards the someone who will take good care of you.

 Sometimes which doctor you see doesn't really make a big difference, but there are many times that having a good doctor makes a big difference in how much time and money are spent on your or your child's health, not to mention what a difference it can make on your entire life. Any time spent researching the matter will not be wasted. I have a few stories to further illustrate my point.

 When I had my first baby (and was a very brand new nurse) someone who I respected recommended that I see a particular group of certified nurse midwives. All was well until I got to the delivery, which was a disaster. The most telling moment was after she broke my water and then said "I don't know what to do now." (I wish I were kidding, but I'm not.) After that experience I started taking a poll of all of the nurses that I worked with (at the time I worked on multiple units). At least 75% went to one particular OB/GYN. So with my second child that's who I went to. She was WONDERFUL! I really don't think I can say enough good things about her. Not just because of the way she treated me as a patient, but because of what a wonderful care provider she was to the patients that I observed her with.

 With my first child I wasn't sure who to pick as a pediatrician, so one was assigned to me. He seemed nice enough so I kept going to him. However, the more that I got to work with him the less impressed I was. When my second child was very tiny, my friends told me a sad story of patient from our unit. This toddler was complaining of severe neck and back pain and running fevers. This doctor ordered IV fluids and Tylenol (which are great), but refused when every nurse who took care of this patient, begged for a lumbar puncture and antibiotics. After four days of the patient not improving, a scan was ordered. It then became apparent that the patient had started with spinal meningitis and it had spread to the brain. That poor child will be mentally delayed for the rest of his life, and this was preventable. Ug, it still makes me sick/sad/angry to think about it. Needless to say, I did not take my children back to him.

 If you can't find a nurse to give you recommendations, here are qualities that you should look for:

1. Your doctor should really listen to what you have to say
2. Your doctor should be willing to admit when he or she doesn't know something and needs to consult someone else.
3. Your doctor should never treat you like you are stupid because you don't understand medical jargon.
4. Your doctor should never seem to be "put out" to take care of you or answer your questions, that why they get paid.
5. Your doctor should keep you updated.